Here is a hypothetical scenario for you:
****Please keep in mind that I am going about this from a Transsexual point of view, here...Crossdressers DON'T want to change into a woman, and Transgendered aren't sure...it's important for you, the reader, to be aware of where *I* am coming from in my writings...***
You have just met the man of your dreams. He is everything that you have ever fantasized about, and you think "This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with". You spend your time and energies forming a relationship with this person, fall in love with him, and then he asks you THE question..."Will you marry me?" Flushed with the prospect of this man feeling the same way about you, you accept his marriage proposal and begin to plan for that special day'.
Your wedding is an event that will go down in the history books as the greatest day in your life! All of your friends, family and well wishers are gathered to share in your moment. As the day winds down, you and your new husband thank everyone who attended. You both exit stage left" so you can get ready to head off to the airport to begin your first night as man and wife. As your limo driver takes you safely to your destination, you smile, snuggling into your husband's shoulder and think, "I am the luckiest woman in the world to have such a wonderful husband...our life is going to be perfect!"
Not so uncommon, right? Read on...
Fast forward your life by 10 years now. You have a lovely home, a couple of children, and you just love being a wife and a mother. Your relationship seems to have a life of it's own, growing in intensity as the years go on...you share everything. Your husband has a good job, you are enjoying the benefits of a good financial outlook.
Again, not so uncommon.
Your husband calls you from the office one afternoon, asking if you can bring the kids to a friend's house for dinner, that he has something that he needs to discuss with you. The tone of his voice causes you to be alarmed immediately. He sounds so serious, so insistant that you can't make an excuse not to send the kids down to the neighbor's for a bit. You try to get him to give you a preview of what is to come, but he won't even give you a hint. Of course, this creates a feeling of utter dread in the pit of your stomach, running various scenario's over and over in your head. You think to yourself, "What in the world could he possibly have to say to me that is so important...we don't keep any secrets from each other..."
As you drive home from dropping the kids off at a neighbor's house, you are still trying to figure out what your husband wants to talk to you about. It is driving you crazy, and as you pull into your driveway, you see that your husband is home ahead of you. Your heart beats crazily in your chest as you turn the car off and head towards the front door. You walk into the house, and immediately spot your husband, sitting in the dining room, his head in his hands, obviously waiting for your return. You smile, and sit yourself down across from him. He studies your face, and smiles; standing, he hugs you and kisses your cheek.
You study his face, and note the turmoil that is going on in his eyes. His body language is guarded, obviously trying to psych himself up to get a word out of his mouth. You think for a moment, and decide to be the first one to speak. You say to him, "What is it that you want to talk about?"
As you watch your husband struggle for the words he wants to say to you, you think, "Oh my God, he is going to tell me his has this terrible disease, and he is going to die within days...". Your concern grows as you wait for him to speak. Finally, he takes a long, deep breath and says to you:
"Honey, I know you may not understand this right away, but there is something I need to tell you about myself, about who I am." He takes another deep breath, closes his eyes, and says, "While I look and act like a man on the outside, my inside feels like a woman, a woman who needs to express herself more outwardly." He looks into your eyes, looking for a silent reaction...and as you look back at him, you become confused. You take in what he just said, and think to yourself, "Well, he wants to show his feminine side more...hey, that is ok with me..." You offer this thought to him, and he takes your hand, squeezes it and says, "That isn't exactly what I am trying to get across to you. What I am trying to say is that I don't want to be a man anymore, what I want is to begin to live as the woman I have always though I was...I was born into the wrong body, I should have been born into a woman's body."
While the previous situation was hypothetical in nature, there is a bit of reality underlying there. One must ask themselves, "What would *I* do if this happened to me?" or, "How would I deal with this if my spouse or significant other presented this to me?" Also, we can't forget the questions of the person who has just found this out: "Why? What does this make me? How could you do this to me? What about our friends? What about the kids? How will I face my family? Are you gay? I thought you loved me?". There are so many variables found within the knowledge of finding out that your soulmate, your partner in life, would rather live as a woman instead of the man he was born as.
Hopefully within these words someone can pick out something that relates to their own situation, and use it to deal with their own issues. I don't claim to be an expert by any stretch of the word, but I think I can share some possible solutions/ideas/comments that arise when this subject comes about. Sometimes just seeing that there is an accepting woman out there who is in a relationship with "one of THOSE kind of people" is comforting...as we are creatures of example
On our journey to understanding who this woman is, who was once our male counterpart, we must remember the reasons we were attracted to this person in the first place. Aside from the obvious male/female attractions, what were the other things that gravitated us to them in the first place? Did we fall in love with the male image, or did we dig into this person's mind, seeking out what psychological and emotional traits they had? Was it their personality? Their humour? Was it the way they showed us their love, or their sorrows?
I think that if you peel away the male packaging, you can get down to the nuts and bolts of the person before you. I know that this is a very hard thing to do, and it does take alot of personal soul searching. It also takes a bit of effort to re-direct our traditional belief that a man and a woman are the only viable relationship allowed within our sociological bounderies, set by our forefathers (or foremothers) before us.
Society is a nasty thing, it doesn't allow us to think for ourselves, rather it does all the leg work for us, and then gives us an outline as to what is acceptable, and what is not. Unfortunately, having a spouse or partner who presents as one gender, but on the inside is another gender, is not accepted by society. Actually, unless you are a total conformist, there really isn't much that society will accept, especially if it is way off the track of traditional, normal behaviour.
At the end of the day, we are our own person, and we think for ourselves. Getting into a spitting match with the almighty "SOCIETY" will only leave you exasperated, weary, and confused. Perhaps if we had some people in our own circles to make things a bit clearer for us in regards to our spouses or partners, we could overlook what everyone else thinks' and return to what is most important...our own lives, and those within it.
TO BE CONTINUED...