After some reflection of what it was like to grow up in a household full of women myself, namely sisters who were the same size as I was, who weren't old enough to have a job to buy their own things, I thought it was important to write something about the fine art of "sharing", or even better, the act of sharing without permission. ON BOTH SIDES of the proverbial fence.
Within this guideline, I also thought it would be great to point out some very important "DO'S and DON'TS" when it came to our partners, and their individual journeys, so that we all could come to some sort of an understanding to what they might be going through. So, I thought I'd start out with a few of the "biggies":
**I will be using the pronouns "her and she" when speaking of our partners, for the purpose of this section of discussion.**
DON'T: Blow sunshine up her ass when it comes to her appearance. One of her main validations is WHAT WE SEE...and is one of the biggest hurdles she will jump over. If you suggest to her that she looks good, when she really doesn't, the consequences could be devastating to her confidence and belief in themselves...be HONEST when she asks you how she looks! And then try to help her fix what needs to be fixed.
DO: Offer to help your partner, giving her tips about makeup, clothing style, etc. After all, we have been at this for much longer than they have. Don't push your "know-how" onto them all at once, offer it when your partner is most receptive (only you can gauge that one).
DO: Encourage her to go out into public dressed (this also depends on how comfortable you are in doing this with her). Offer to go with her to give her support, and to show your acceptance of her (if you are at this point). Shopping at the mall, going to dinner, going to the movies, ect. are good spots to go with your partner. Do also remember that she is new to her "new self" being out--she may be nervous or apprehensive. Be her supportive crutch. Sometimes it helps if you can think about when you go shopping with your genetic girlfriends, and try to treat your partner the same...she will thank you for it later, trust me. :)
DON'T: Push your partner to do anything she isn't comfortable doing. This is something she has to come to terms with, and will more than likely resent either you or herself if you place emphasis on what she should or shouldn't be doing. Let HER work that one out for herself.
DO: COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!!
DO: Have FUN! Laugh alot! Try to make every outing as enjoyable to you both, as much and as often as possible! Pretty soon, it will become second nature for you both to go out, and it will be SO MUCH easier for you both to get used to if you try to have fun doing it!
THE BIGGEST NO NO OF ALL: Never EVER take your partner's belongings to use without asking permission!!! Always ask her, no matter what you want to use, be it jewlery, make-up, clothing, etc. And make your partner understand that she too MUST ask YOUR permission to use anything that belongs to you too!! Its a two way street, girls!! Doing this will eleviate any fighting or bad feelings gauged at each other...anyone with sisters who experienced this while growing up will know EXACTLY what I am saying here.
There are many 'do's and don'ts' that I haven't covered here, and no doubt you will run into them. This is just a few to be used as a guide, or an idea to a better understanding of how to be a supportive force in your relationship with your T* partner. As you become more familiar with the things your partner is going through, you will be more prepaired to deal with the many different things that are happening with her!
ENJOY! and HAVE FUN!